https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691617698225?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori:rid:crossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub%20%200pubmed

I’m a stay-at-home mom. Our family relies on his income to live. We have two children and a mortgage like everyone else. We need him to keep his job. If this scenario sounds familiar to you, then your husband probably has narcissistic traits (or could even be a full-blow narcissist). Pain with infidelity is usually inevitable and can have emotionally devastating consequences. If you feel like you’re grieving, you might very well be, and that’s OK. There are different forms to human loss and no one has a right to dismiss your grief. I will start this by saying I know I'm a terrible person for what I did. It's not something I can undo, nor do I want to, and I can't exactly tell anyone about it. It's my dirtiest, darkest secret, and I've never even typed it out before. My husband doesn't even read Reddit, so there's no chance he would ever stumble across it, which is the only reason I'm sharing it now.Acevedo B, et al. (2020). After the honeymoon: Neural and genetic correlates of romantic love in newlywed marriages. Because nothing is ever his fault, your narcissistic husband is usually the “ victim” of others’ actions. If his project at work failed, he will blame it on his boss, co-worker, or clients. He constantly has a victim mentality because he cannot look at his own actions and see that he is responsible [2] . 10. He Doesn’t Feel Guilt Shan, it’s important you look within. You are the most important person in your lives and he the same. Together it builds you up not down. Disagreements between loved ones are inevitable, but Hood says an essential ingredient in harmonious partnerships is taking ownership over your piece of the equation. So, in the case of a relationship gone toxic, if you ask your partner why they erupted at you on the street curb, they may claim that your wandering eye caused them to go crazy. Anytime you attempt to activate your inner champion—perhaps transforming your eating habits, training for a half-marathon, or interviewing for a big-shot promotion, your partner may fracture your emotional legs with subtle jabs, all the while highlighting your shortcomings. They may even denounce your newfound efforts of self-improvement as being selfish or unfair to the marriage.

Of course it’s tempting to blame the other woman. To imagine that she pursued your husband, with an up-to-date bikini wax and pants that haven’t gone grey from the washing machine. It’s far nicer to think that the reason your beloved bonked someone else is because he was powerless. Out of control. A pawn in a manipulative woman’s game.In the healthiest marriages, people still do unhealthy things from time to time. It’s part of being human. But if both parties learn the language of healthy versus unhealthy, and mutually want to keep the toxicity out of the marriage, they will know how to effectively communicate when they feel hurt, manipulated or disrespected in some way," says Hood.

Next comes the gratitude bit, which should not be underestimated. “You’ve got to find a means of expressing your gratitude for your spouse—whether a list or a journal containing reasons why you chose them to be your partner, and why you will continue to choose them.” She meant well, of course. And most of that advice is entirely solid. But the part about not being a ‘husband stealer’? Infuriating.Dr. Phillips says that optimal marriages require that both parties agree “on all matters that directly shape their future, including household conditions, children, finances, career and other big decisions.” I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty peaceful person. I don’t particularly like drama or arguments of any kind. I try to keep myself out of any issues within my family or group of friends unless I absolutely have to get involved. That opened the door. I was someone he could talk to about those sorts of things, and he did. The little things he didn't like. Inconveniences. The normal stuff people gripe about at work to make conversation sometimes. My wife wants me to try this new diet, but I'd have to give up beer. There's a new movie out I want to see, but my wife hates those types of movies, so we're probably going to watch that new rom-com. Etc., etc., etc. I was right there, siding with him, inching in further every chance I got, always aware the end game I was after was watching Matt's marriage go up in flames so I could have him for myself.