The Best Ever Book of Psychic Jokes

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Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At

Short psychic puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The psychic humour may include short clairvoyant jokes also. Why does a husband lead a dog’s life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.’” – Steven Wright Did you hear about the psychic who was arrested for possession of marijuana? In his defence, he said he was ‘just a happy medium’ Now, I was pissed. My name is Ray with an "R." And the rest of the night my date kept wondering, out loud, who this "dream man" might be. "Maybe it's David from the gym, or Derek from next door. Maybe Daniel from the travel agency?"My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him. So, physics jokes are probably the science jokes that test your smarts the most. To truly understand them, you have to at least know the basic functionalities of our world. For instance, the fact that apples fall down from a tree instead of floating right into the cosmos. Also, it would be good to understand the basic principles of mass, velocity, electromagnetism, thermodynamics, and quantum mechanics, of course. However, even if you're just a physics newbie, we are itching to show you these scientific jokes - we are so sure that you will find them to be a real riot! My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.” A friend showed me a funny steak pun the other day. I must say, steak puns are truly a rare medium well done. The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?” – Steven Wright

The best psychic jokes - Tony Hyland Psychic Services The best psychic jokes - Tony Hyland Psychic Services

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, ‘Have you got anything I’d like?’ Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, ‘Extra medium.’” – Steven Wright So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father." upvotes Follow Unfollow 6 months ago (edited) Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017She figured if she was going to be around that long, she may as well look her best. She got the works! Face lift, b**... job, nose job and looked amazing! Elf Jokes (printable cards are perfect if you have an elf on the shelf – they are funny even if you don’t) A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife. He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare." At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, I like it well done! I said, Thanks. That means a lot.